Thursday, February 14, 2008

Serenade Worship

I woke up last week with this in my heart, couldn't go back to sleep until I was done writing it. God is pressing worship in my heart.


Sometimes, worship reminds me of a tradition I grew up amongst. Serenades. Has any of you given a serenade or received one? Well, we had two kinds of serenades when I was growing up. One was the wealthier kind, when you hire a band of mariachis or a mariachi-quartet and with proper flowers in your hands you go to the window of whoever would be receiving a serenade and around midnight you’d stand in front of the band and start singing (or pretend you do), I’m not particularly familiar with this kind.

The other kind, the one I’m most familiar with, we used to call a “Gallo” or “Rooster”. You’d gather your friends, hopefully at least one of them played half decent guitar, and you embarked in your singing mission. You can serenade a friend in their birthday, your sweetheart or wanna-be-sweetheart, of course valentine’s days was a favorite too… and then the staple: mother’s day.

So you’d stand outside of their window, hope that their bedroom was closer to the window than that of the man of the house, and start singing. A good sign was the lights inside of the house turning on. You’d sing three, four, depending when the lights turned on. When you were done, you hoped your serenaded either thanked you from the window (something like: thank you guys, that was great, see you soon, goodnight), they came to the door just to pick their flowers up, or even better, invited you all in. This is when cookies and a cup of hot chocolate or a cold “limonada” came along. I ate some good cookies this way.

A bad sign, however, was when the man of the house would yell something of the sort of: “hey, clear out, we are trying to sleep”. Not good.

Now this is a confession of love and care, or at least friendship and care public as few. Everyone in the neighborhood found out that you serenaded that person.

Oh, and the hope they didn’t think your music was terrible. They’d all be talking about you next morning.

Now, remember I’m a girl, so I got to stand behind the window most of the time. Oof, thank you Lord! But I knew that whoever was bringing a serenade was putting their heart on the line. You don’t sacrifice a night like that just because... It was because they meant it.

The part when I got to sing more was on mother’s day. You’d fill a couple of cars with friends and you went to all of their mother’s house to sing. I had some long nights like this. Of course, moms wouldn’t normally yell to you “get out of here”…

By now you must be thinking, how in the world is this related to worship?

Well, to me, worship is a bit like serenading.

Here you come, Sunday morning, prepared or not, and in front of all these people, whoever they are, you are gearing to sing that you love God, that you give Him your life, that you trust Him in all and for all.

Yikes!

And even beyond that, oh God please, please, please turn your light on!

Yet God doesn’t react like a sweetheart, sometimes well and sometimes not so much. God reacts more like a mom. He absolutely loves it. Make sure you come with the right attitude, you know, moms know the difference, how much more God! And give it your all.

If God and everyone else are to know about this, you better give it your all. He won’t only give you cookies and a hot chocolate; he’s preparing a seat for you in His house! In His Banquet! (and persecution, too!) And oh you’re not alone, God himself said that the Angels and the entire heavenly Host praised Him and sang:

In a loud voice they sang: Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power
and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!" Revelation 5:12


And even the creation joins in:

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on
the sea, and all that is in them, singing: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!" Revelation 5:13


So I encourage you. Let’s worship!

Ceci White
2/8/2008

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Song Writing

This last few weeks have been very interesting. My heart somehow seems infused with a creative energy and all sorts of desires for God to move.

For in His house,
I like to be
Drop by anytime
take a sip and dine in.

For in His house,
we can talk
I can tell Him how incredible He is
I can smile and He knows
He knows it all
He knows me all

Open the door of your house
let me in, let me know you more
Let me forget myself as I surround myself with you.

Open the door of your house
let me in,
I want to wear that party dress
and be ready to drop by.

For in your house
I want to be
do as you ask
sit at your feet
and listen hours unending.

For in your house
I want to be
tell you how wonderful
how amazing
how incredible
you are.

Open the door of your house
let me in, let me know you more
Let me forget myself as I surround myself with you.

Did I thank you, did I thank you for opening the door?

For in your house
I want to be
tell you how wonderful
how amazing
how incredible
you are.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Changing Directions

Well, It has been a long time since I've written.
I have noticed that when I am vocal about my allergy, self pity starts wanting to become my close friend. So I have intentionally tried not to go there.

This last week or so has been a specially difficult time.
I am very pregnant by now (6 weeks to go!) so it's almost an impossible task to try keeping my emotions under control. That, and 80 to 90% humidity outdoors aren't a very good combination.

So I am thinking and praying about moving to a dryer area. I don't particularly like moving. We have friends whom we dearly love, a good wednesday group, an awesome church, a good stable little house... and the thought of moving to a different culture (non-mid-westerner), with no friends or church group, or even a job possibility makes my heart tremble.

Then I have to remember that it is God who has directed us to where we are at. It's Him who has blessed us financially, with a job, with a house, with friends and with people we can build the kingdom with. Would He not do it again?

I told one of my dear friends last night.. that I was thinking about moving. Tears immediately came to her eyes and my heart broke to pieces. I wish I didn't have to move but this allergy is killing me slowly (not softly) and I hate seeing my strength drained day after day. Part of me wants to just pack a bag or two in the car and pick my awesome husband from work.. just take off. Without saying goodbye, without looking back. It might not hurt quite as much.

And then again.. it is God who holds our lives together. It's a good opportunity for me to lay down myself and trust that His plans for me are better than those I could build myself. Better than those I can imagine. That at the end, He will be lifted up through my life if I allow Him to do so.

It's hard to say goodbye

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Going through the oven (part 3)

:)
I don't think I did a very good job with yesterday's blog.
My attempt was to communicate the life-giving grace that I have been blessed with and instead it shared my pain.

Oh well, every day has a blank plate.

........

A couple of weeks ago we were examining the teen chapters of John. We were wondering what Peter felt when Jesus asked to clean his feet.
There are some widely accepted explanations on Peter's response, but the text always allows for a little reader-imagination :)

Anyway, I love when the word of God becomes so alive that it seems it must have been written just for you.

John 13:10 says: "Jesus said to him, 'Someone who has bathed only needs to have their feet washed, but is completely clean. You are clean (...)"

At the time, God was revealing to my heart the meaning of the prophecy that I had received years ago (see Going through the oven part 1) so my heart was out in the open about the cleanliness issue.

My first response was... don't wash his feet!! that will hurt! (Now, I am aware that most people wouldn't even have that thought crossing through their minds hehe and when I write it down it sounds so odd!) to my particular interpretation, getting his feet washed could mean undergoing suffering, and Peter's answer "Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!" (John 13:9) would show his personal willingness to go through suffering for Jesus' sake, so he could have part with him "Jesus answered him, 'If I don't wash you, you have no part with me.'" (John 13:8)

If/when my husband reads this, all his sense of ortodoxy will be alarmed. Now, understand that even though the scripture does not (most likely!!) intend my particular interpretation, that doesn't keep God from showing us His light for our personal life :)

Jesus says that "someone who has bathed..." I immediately think, Oh my! what if I haven't bathed in a while?! and He answers:

John 15:3 "You are already pruned clean because of the word which I have spoken to you."

Talk about relief! Our cleanliness has little to do with something we do with ourselves, it is His word that cleanses us, His blood that washes us "whiter than the snow"


Then I wonder... how does "Going through the oven" has anything to do with something we do with ourselves? Maybe nothing.

We can go through difficult times without allowing the purifying Spirit of Christ to refine us. So it is ultimately Him who does the work in us. It is not the suffering that does wonders, it is God through the different circumstances surrounding our life who allows the cookies to be baked. He is who brings something good out of what seems to be just madness. It is Him who through His word cleanses us so we can participate of the wedding ceremonies of the Lamb.

Where do we take place? In saying "yes, I am willing to go through the narrow road", "yes, I am willing to lay my life down for you", "yes, I do want to take your cross and drink from your cup"

So in my own and very unorthodox explanation of those verses of John, Peter was willing to go through whatever necessary to parttake of Jesus. Jesus did the rest.

Matthew 8:2-3 Behold, a leper came to him and worshiped him, saying, "Lord, if you want to, you can make me clean." Jesus stretched out his hand, and touched him, saying, "I want to. Be made clean." Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.

I didn't have this in mind for the part 3 of "going through the oven" but I am feeling very pregnant and my mind takes over :) I think I will need to go through it again and make some sense of all the blabbering. In the midst of that, it is good to remember that we are in Jesus' hands, that He is the almighty and we are the clay vessels.

Hurray for the almighty!

Ceci

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Going through the oven (part 2)

I think it was back in October.
I woke up and I knew something was different.

In the deepest part of my heart I realized, there is absolutely nothing I can do apart from Christ.

The allergy I have can have humbling effects.
I am allergic to contact with water.

That means I can't sweat, be outdoors if the humidity is high, get sprinkled with water, have my daughter drool over me or get a bath or shower.

That means I can't lose weight because of exercise, nor fix my hair, bathe my daughter, use lotion, go to the zoo or to playdates, take a swim or feel clean.

That means I didn't want people to be near me, visit me, touch me (specially my hair) . I didn't want to attend church or have any friends really.


Then I knew, I understood, that God really cares about me. That he didn't want me to be with him because of anything I could bring, but because He loves me. It didn't matter where I was at in my life, it matter where He was.

It wouldn't have mattered if I was in pain or not, if I was looking good or not, if my emotions were in track or not. It mattered that He died, and that by being risen from the dead He opened the doors for us to have access to the Father. That through His doings I was adopted as a daughter of the Most High.


It still hurts, every day.
When I smell someone that has a nice scent, or when I hear my friends going to spas or losing weight. When they play songs at church about "being washed by the water of the spirit" or when there's a playdate outdoors.

But then, the knowledge of my unworthiness meets with the beautiful promises that He makes. That we will spend eternity with Him. That we will receive new bodies.. that have no allergies, no pain, no suffering.



Today I received a call.
It was a mom, wanting to get together with me. Just to spend some time together.
She doesn't know that it has been years since someone has invited me to spend time with them. Tim and I receive invitations together, but it's been too long since they called me.



I now wonder how Paul felt. Knowing that he wasn't good enough to bring the good news of Jesus Christ. Recognizing his unworthiness... and then being able to say "for it is not me, but Christ that lives in me"... enduring every day the "thorn" that tormented him (whatever that was, it couldn't have been pleasurable) and being absolutely sure that God was bigger and better than what he could possibly grasp.
Leaving himself or whatever he could bring besides to engage in a God-given mission, diminishing as God increased.

I now know that no matter how much pain I could possibly have, it couldn't be compared to the one that Jesus suffered in the cross... for our sake.

to be continued...

Ceci White

Monday, February 20, 2006

Going through the oven (part 1)

This last few weeks, I have been trying to figure out what God is doing in my life.

A few years ago, I realized God had given me a gift of prophecy. I do not know when it was given, or how much time elapsed before I acknowledged it. What I did know was that there was no humanly possible way to know the things I started learning about other people.

Shortly after that, Dennis Bourns -pastor of the Vineyard in Glendale, AZ prophetized over me while we were in a church planting conference in Mexico City.
It sounded delicious and atrocious all at the same time. I don't have an exact recollection of the details but the main idea was... I was to be made into chocolate chip cookies (that is the delicious part) God was stirring a prophetic calling into my life and as all chocolate chip cookies, I was to go through a mixer, in which the dough would get very well worked over. Soon after that, chocolate chips would be added. I was to be shaped into very specific cookies... and I would go through the oven. He mentioned this was to happen in about 3 years, but wasn't particularly sure about the timing.

This was three and a half years ago.
Whoever has walked with God for some time will know that "being shaped", "going through the fire", or "being worked over" aren't synonymous of pleasurable times.

Not to make a very long story too long, this are the major points of what has happened in the last three and a half years:

  • I recommited my life to Jesus in a significant every-day way
  • I left my family, my city.. my country
  • I finished a very difficult bachelors degree in Political Science with hopes of a good public office but didn't even get to have a short time job
  • I got married (yipee)
  • We had problems obtaining a permanent resident card
  • I was pregnant, and had hyperemesis gravidarum (excessive 'morning sickness') which kept me in full fast (one meal per week if I was lucky) and bedridden for a few months
  • I developed a very rare yet awful allergy. Aquagenic pruritus. I am allergic to water. Yes I can drink water.. I can't have any humidity, water or sweat touching the skin of my legs and arms, Yes, that means I can't bathe without major trauma. It's so rare that there aren't any medications or medical treatments to go through
  • Because of the aquagenic pruritus I was very depressed. I gained weight because of my inability to exercise. I was alienated because I live in a humid city and can't be outdoors if it's a humid day
  • I had a beautiful daughter (the best ever!)
  • I got pregnant

    ...to be continued

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Finding questions

Yesterday's thoughts come to me all bunched up, begging to be sorted out.
Recently, we were asked to step up to an organizational spot... that would mean both, a great opportunity to get involved, and a pretty large increase of time dedicated to it.
So I ask, what is it that I want for my life? once knowing the answer, I could move forward towards that particular goal or goals... I am not talking about a very particular goal, like having X job or living in X location but more a place of the heart, on where I want my heart to be placed. What will make me grow closer to Christ and make me be more and more like Him?

So yeah, it does feel like opening a can of worms, a line of questioning that wants me to find out a life guideline. To find out what is on my heart before moving forward (danger of stalling?)