:)
I don't think I did a very good job with yesterday's blog.
My attempt was to communicate the life-giving grace that I have been blessed with and instead it shared my pain.
Oh well, every day has a blank plate.
........
A couple of weeks ago we were examining the teen chapters of John. We were wondering what Peter felt when Jesus asked to clean his feet.
There are some widely accepted explanations on Peter's response, but the text always allows for a little reader-imagination :)
Anyway, I love when the word of God becomes so alive that it seems it must have been written just for you.
John 13:10 says: "Jesus said to him, 'Someone who has bathed only needs to have their feet washed, but is completely clean. You are clean (...)"
At the time, God was revealing to my heart the meaning of the prophecy that I had received years ago (see Going through the oven part 1) so my heart was out in the open about the cleanliness issue.
My first response was... don't wash his feet!! that will hurt! (Now, I am aware that most people wouldn't even have that thought crossing through their minds hehe and when I write it down it sounds so odd!) to my particular interpretation, getting his feet washed could mean undergoing suffering, and Peter's answer "Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!" (John 13:9) would show his personal willingness to go through suffering for Jesus' sake, so he could have part with him "Jesus answered him, 'If I don't wash you, you have no part with me.'" (John 13:8)
If/when my husband reads this, all his sense of ortodoxy will be alarmed. Now, understand that even though the scripture does not (most likely!!) intend my particular interpretation, that doesn't keep God from showing us His light for our personal life :)
Jesus says that "someone who has bathed..." I immediately think, Oh my! what if I haven't bathed in a while?! and He answers:
John 15:3 "You are already pruned clean because of the word which I have spoken to you."
Talk about relief! Our cleanliness has little to do with something we do with ourselves, it is His word that cleanses us, His blood that washes us "whiter than the snow"
Then I wonder... how does "Going through the oven" has anything to do with something we do with ourselves? Maybe nothing.
We can go through difficult times without allowing the purifying Spirit of Christ to refine us. So it is ultimately Him who does the work in us. It is not the suffering that does wonders, it is God through the different circumstances surrounding our life who allows the cookies to be baked. He is who brings something good out of what seems to be just madness. It is Him who through His word cleanses us so we can participate of the wedding ceremonies of the Lamb.
Where do we take place? In saying "yes, I am willing to go through the narrow road", "yes, I am willing to lay my life down for you", "yes, I do want to take your cross and drink from your cup"
So in my own and very unorthodox explanation of those verses of John, Peter was willing to go through whatever necessary to parttake of Jesus. Jesus did the rest.
Matthew 8:2-3 Behold, a leper came to him and worshiped him, saying, "Lord, if you want to, you can make me clean." Jesus stretched out his hand, and touched him, saying, "I want to. Be made clean." Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.
I didn't have this in mind for the part 3 of "going through the oven" but I am feeling very pregnant and my mind takes over :) I think I will need to go through it again and make some sense of all the blabbering. In the midst of that, it is good to remember that we are in Jesus' hands, that He is the almighty and we are the clay vessels.
Hurray for the almighty!
Ceci
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Going through the oven (part 2)
I think it was back in October.
I woke up and I knew something was different.
In the deepest part of my heart I realized, there is absolutely nothing I can do apart from Christ.
The allergy I have can have humbling effects.
I am allergic to contact with water.
That means I can't sweat, be outdoors if the humidity is high, get sprinkled with water, have my daughter drool over me or get a bath or shower.
That means I can't lose weight because of exercise, nor fix my hair, bathe my daughter, use lotion, go to the zoo or to playdates, take a swim or feel clean.
That means I didn't want people to be near me, visit me, touch me (specially my hair) . I didn't want to attend church or have any friends really.
Then I knew, I understood, that God really cares about me. That he didn't want me to be with him because of anything I could bring, but because He loves me. It didn't matter where I was at in my life, it matter where He was.
It wouldn't have mattered if I was in pain or not, if I was looking good or not, if my emotions were in track or not. It mattered that He died, and that by being risen from the dead He opened the doors for us to have access to the Father. That through His doings I was adopted as a daughter of the Most High.
It still hurts, every day.
When I smell someone that has a nice scent, or when I hear my friends going to spas or losing weight. When they play songs at church about "being washed by the water of the spirit" or when there's a playdate outdoors.
But then, the knowledge of my unworthiness meets with the beautiful promises that He makes. That we will spend eternity with Him. That we will receive new bodies.. that have no allergies, no pain, no suffering.
Today I received a call.
It was a mom, wanting to get together with me. Just to spend some time together.
She doesn't know that it has been years since someone has invited me to spend time with them. Tim and I receive invitations together, but it's been too long since they called me.
I now wonder how Paul felt. Knowing that he wasn't good enough to bring the good news of Jesus Christ. Recognizing his unworthiness... and then being able to say "for it is not me, but Christ that lives in me"... enduring every day the "thorn" that tormented him (whatever that was, it couldn't have been pleasurable) and being absolutely sure that God was bigger and better than what he could possibly grasp.
Leaving himself or whatever he could bring besides to engage in a God-given mission, diminishing as God increased.
I now know that no matter how much pain I could possibly have, it couldn't be compared to the one that Jesus suffered in the cross... for our sake.
to be continued...
Ceci White
I woke up and I knew something was different.
In the deepest part of my heart I realized, there is absolutely nothing I can do apart from Christ.
The allergy I have can have humbling effects.
I am allergic to contact with water.
That means I can't sweat, be outdoors if the humidity is high, get sprinkled with water, have my daughter drool over me or get a bath or shower.
That means I can't lose weight because of exercise, nor fix my hair, bathe my daughter, use lotion, go to the zoo or to playdates, take a swim or feel clean.
That means I didn't want people to be near me, visit me, touch me (specially my hair) . I didn't want to attend church or have any friends really.
Then I knew, I understood, that God really cares about me. That he didn't want me to be with him because of anything I could bring, but because He loves me. It didn't matter where I was at in my life, it matter where He was.
It wouldn't have mattered if I was in pain or not, if I was looking good or not, if my emotions were in track or not. It mattered that He died, and that by being risen from the dead He opened the doors for us to have access to the Father. That through His doings I was adopted as a daughter of the Most High.
It still hurts, every day.
When I smell someone that has a nice scent, or when I hear my friends going to spas or losing weight. When they play songs at church about "being washed by the water of the spirit" or when there's a playdate outdoors.
But then, the knowledge of my unworthiness meets with the beautiful promises that He makes. That we will spend eternity with Him. That we will receive new bodies.. that have no allergies, no pain, no suffering.
Today I received a call.
It was a mom, wanting to get together with me. Just to spend some time together.
She doesn't know that it has been years since someone has invited me to spend time with them. Tim and I receive invitations together, but it's been too long since they called me.
I now wonder how Paul felt. Knowing that he wasn't good enough to bring the good news of Jesus Christ. Recognizing his unworthiness... and then being able to say "for it is not me, but Christ that lives in me"... enduring every day the "thorn" that tormented him (whatever that was, it couldn't have been pleasurable) and being absolutely sure that God was bigger and better than what he could possibly grasp.
Leaving himself or whatever he could bring besides to engage in a God-given mission, diminishing as God increased.
I now know that no matter how much pain I could possibly have, it couldn't be compared to the one that Jesus suffered in the cross... for our sake.
to be continued...
Ceci White
Monday, February 20, 2006
Going through the oven (part 1)
This last few weeks, I have been trying to figure out what God is doing in my life.
A few years ago, I realized God had given me a gift of prophecy. I do not know when it was given, or how much time elapsed before I acknowledged it. What I did know was that there was no humanly possible way to know the things I started learning about other people.
Shortly after that, Dennis Bourns -pastor of the Vineyard in Glendale, AZ prophetized over me while we were in a church planting conference in Mexico City.
It sounded delicious and atrocious all at the same time. I don't have an exact recollection of the details but the main idea was... I was to be made into chocolate chip cookies (that is the delicious part) God was stirring a prophetic calling into my life and as all chocolate chip cookies, I was to go through a mixer, in which the dough would get very well worked over. Soon after that, chocolate chips would be added. I was to be shaped into very specific cookies... and I would go through the oven. He mentioned this was to happen in about 3 years, but wasn't particularly sure about the timing.
This was three and a half years ago.
Whoever has walked with God for some time will know that "being shaped", "going through the fire", or "being worked over" aren't synonymous of pleasurable times.
Not to make a very long story too long, this are the major points of what has happened in the last three and a half years:
- I recommited my life to Jesus in a significant every-day way
- I left my family, my city.. my country
- I finished a very difficult bachelors degree in Political Science with hopes of a good public office but didn't even get to have a short time job
- I got married (yipee)
- We had problems obtaining a permanent resident card
- I was pregnant, and had hyperemesis gravidarum (excessive 'morning sickness') which kept me in full fast (one meal per week if I was lucky) and bedridden for a few months
- I developed a very rare yet awful allergy. Aquagenic pruritus. I am allergic to water. Yes I can drink water.. I can't have any humidity, water or sweat touching the skin of my legs and arms, Yes, that means I can't bathe without major trauma. It's so rare that there aren't any medications or medical treatments to go through
- Because of the aquagenic pruritus I was very depressed. I gained weight because of my inability to exercise. I was alienated because I live in a humid city and can't be outdoors if it's a humid day
- I had a beautiful daughter (the best ever!)
- I got pregnant
...to be continued
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