Changing Directions

Well, It has been a long time since I've written.
I have noticed that when I am vocal about my allergy, self pity starts wanting to become my close friend. So I have intentionally tried not to go there.

This last week or so has been a specially difficult time.
I am very pregnant by now (6 weeks to go!) so it's almost an impossible task to try keeping my emotions under control. That, and 80 to 90% humidity outdoors aren't a very good combination.

So I am thinking and praying about moving to a dryer area. I don't particularly like moving. We have friends whom we dearly love, a good wednesday group, an awesome church, a good stable little house... and the thought of moving to a different culture (non-mid-westerner), with no friends or church group, or even a job possibility makes my heart tremble.

Then I have to remember that it is God who has directed us to where we are at. It's Him who has blessed us financially, with a job, with a house, with friends and with people we can build the kingdom with. Would He not do it again?

I told one of my dear friends last night.. that I was thinking about moving. Tears immediately came to her eyes and my heart broke to pieces. I wish I didn't have to move but this allergy is killing me slowly (not softly) and I hate seeing my strength drained day after day. Part of me wants to just pack a bag or two in the car and pick my awesome husband from work.. just take off. Without saying goodbye, without looking back. It might not hurt quite as much.

And then again.. it is God who holds our lives together. It's a good opportunity for me to lay down myself and trust that His plans for me are better than those I could build myself. Better than those I can imagine. That at the end, He will be lifted up through my life if I allow Him to do so.

It's hard to say goodbye